Why Change Lasts
(and why it doesn’t)

01 / Beyond the surfaceWe Don’t Change Behaviors by Trying to Change Behaviors

Research shows that Behavior Modification alone cannot permanently change existing behaviors. In diet, smoking cessation and exercise maintenance alone, there is a 97% failure rate for attempts to simply alter behaviors. This is because behaviors are often beliefs in action.

Suppose someone wants to become a better public speaker. One approach is to teach speaking techniques. Those techniques may be useful, but if the individual has the belief, “I’m not someone people listen to,” the new skills will often remain underutilized. The behavior has changed temporarily, but the person’s limiting belief has remained in place.

Similarly, organizations frequently invest enormous resources in changing procedures while overlooking the beliefs and values that define the culture. The result is predictable. New systems are introduced, enthusiasm rises briefly, and then the organization eventually returns to its previous way of operating. The surface structures changed; the deeper culture did not.

Thus, we can conclude that lasting change occurs when we work at the level where the problem or outcome is generated rather than merely where it appears.

02 / Finding the leverageFinding the Differences that Make a Difference

The NeuroLogical Levels model provides a way of exploring the deeper structure of change. Instead of asking, “How do I start or stop something?” we begin by asking, “At what level is the experience to be changed or initiated being generated?”

Sometimes new knowledge or skill may be sufficient. In that case, change involves developing new capabilities—learning to think differently, communicate differently, or manage emotions more effectively. Often, however, the real leverage lies deeper. We discover that our behavior is an expression of beliefs we have never questioned or a sense of identity we have not consciously chosen.

In a recent interview, 82-year-old Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards described how he quit smoking cigarettes in his late 70s after decades of being a smoker because he realized it was “childish.” Richards explained, “Suddenly, I felt like after all these years of smoking – because, you know, a man smokes – I was sat around with this silly thing in my mouth thinking: how childish.”

Richards realized that he started smoking because as a child he believed it was an expression of being a “man.” That awareness made him realize that it is actually “childish” to smoke in order be a “man.” A man does not need to smoke in order to be a man.

Richards also claimed that the change came about because he “listened to” his body “before it started screaming.” This illustrates another important principle. Rather than trying to impose a change of behavior, Richards aligned his behavior with what was truly best for his body.

03 / Working as a wholeThe Power of Alignment

One of the reasons the NeuroLogical Levels model has proven useful is that it reminds us that human beings are whole systems. We often behave as though changing one isolated part of ourselves should be enough. Yet our beliefs influence our physiology. Our identity influences our motivation. Our purpose influences our resilience. Every level continually interacts with every other level.

A change that creates conflict between identity and behavior is difficult to sustain. A change that aligns purpose, identity, values, capabilities, and behavior creates a sense of coherence. What once required discipline begins to feel natural because the different parts of ourselves are working together rather than against one another.

Perhaps this is the deepest contribution of the model. It shifts our understanding of change away from force and toward alignment. People often assume that successful individuals possess extraordinary determination. Certainly, determination has its place. Yet the remarkable people I have had the privilege to study did not simply exert more effort than everyone else. Their various levels of experience were aligned around a coherent purpose and identity. Their behaviors expressed who they were rather than compensating for who they believed they were not. When alignment is present, change becomes less about pushing ourselves forward and more about allowing our authentic identity to express itself. For example:

• Parents who consistently affirm a child’s identity rather than simply rewarding behavior often help create confidence that endures for a lifetime.
• Leaders who communicate a compelling purpose rather than merely assigning tasks inspire commitment instead of compliance.
• Teachers who cultivate curiosity instead of simply transmitting information develop learners rather than memorizers.

In every case, the deeper level creates the conditions from which sustainable behavior naturally emerges.

The NeuroLogical Levels model continues to be relevant because it reminds us that human beings are more than collections of behaviors or skills. We are living systems organized by a sense of identity and purpose. When we recognize the level at which meaningful change must occur, we stop fighting symptoms and begin transforming the deeper structures that generate them.

04 / Words that direct attentionThe NeuroLinguistics of Transforming Deeper Structures

According to NLP, all human change is ultimately a result of some type of “neurolinguistic programming.” One of my favorite quotes is a saying attributed to the Chinese philosopher Lao Tsu which goes:

Watch your thoughts because they become words.Watch your words because they become actions.Watch your actions because they become habits.Watch your habits because they become your character.Watch your character because it becomes your destiny.

The implication of this is that if we want to influence our destiny it begins with our thoughts (neuro) and our words (linguistic), which would seem to be lower levels of change and the opposite of what I have written above. This apparent paradox is resolved when we remember that 1) energy follows attention; 2) thoughts and words direct attention; 3) different types of thoughts and words direct attention to different levels of change; 4) by directing our attention to the appropriate level of change, thoughts and words can align our actions and habits with our core values, our character with our authentic identity and our destiny with our purpose.

In this why language is a key factor in the process of change. Rather than merely describe reality, language directs our attention and “frames” our experience. Beliefs, for example, are linguistic structures that shape perception, attention, and expectation. When beliefs shift through our thoughts and words, entire experiential worlds shift with them.

As an example, I know a woman who for years told herself she needed to “lose weight.” While the words requested a different behavior, they did not bring attention to what was generating the old behaviors nor how to generate new ones. She struggled for years with no sustainable results, trying many diets but always putting the weight back on.

After learning the NeuroLogical Levels model, she changed her focus from “losing weight” to becoming a “healthy person” who was sound in mind, body and spirit. She shifted what she said to herself to “I am a healthy person who seeks to find the best nutrition and exercise practice to get to the best weight for my body.” This statement aligned her identity, values and capabilities to what she wanted to achieve instead of to “lose.” She began studying nutrition, discovered she was eating foods that were unhealthy for her and changed the way she was eating entirely. She also started an ongoing exercise routine. As a result of her revised food and activity plan that fit her healthy identity she naturally slimmed down and has remained that way for many years.

The use of language to reframe our goals, intentions and beliefs is what I call Sleight of Mouth, which is about the potential magic of language.

And this is what I will be exploring in my next article.